1) BRING YOUR IPAD OR TABLET
Ok, ok. I’m all for looking back and reminiscing about the great times as much as the next nostalgia fan, don’t get me wrong. But that’s what camera’s are for. Don’t have a camera? The clever people over at iPhone/Android/Samsung/whatever were probably gracious enough to install one on your cellular device. Don’t be that jackass with a giant fucking iPad held in the air for the entire set. Chances are I’m behind you, I can’t see, and I’m about to pour my drink over your head.
2) WEAR HIGH HEELS
Ladies, this one is for you (although I’m not discriminating here). I’m all for wanting to look good, but you better know and get right with the following rules if you’re going to rock heels: 1. Don’t bitch about it. You chose those puppies, now you deal with it. Don’t be that psycho running around the bar barefoot, either. 2. Don’t stand in or around a potential mosh pit area. This is just bad news bears, and you and I both know it.
3) SKIP THE DEODORANT
You know it’s going to be hot in there. You know you’ll probably be very, very sweaty. You also know you’re going to be in close contact with everyone around you. Be a good contributor to the event and at least battle that booty sweat smell with some Old Spice. No one wants to enjoy a show and a drink with a big whiff of funk in their face.
4) SKIP TIPPING THE BARTENDERS
It’s just rude.
5) WEAR FLIPPYFLOPS
I made this mistake once at a show that was outdoors in the middle of a Georgia summer. The scars on the top of my foot are now my stupidity trophies. Learn from me, just stick to regular ass shoes.
6) JUMP ON THE STAGE
As if I really need to say this, but unfortunately, I’ve seen it as lately as this month. Unless the band has invited you up there, stay on the ground. You can jump on the stage all you want when it’s your show.
7) NOT BUY MERCH
I understand that money can be tight, and just going to the show might be a stretch. If you can, do the bands you love a favor and buy a shirt or cd. The music industry is complete shit as it is, but throwing a little extra cash at your favorite musicians goes a long way in helping them continue to tour and make music.
8) HARDCORE DANCE
Maybe I’m old-fashioned and just prefer the tried and true “headbang”, but anytime some kid starts to hardcore dance near me I feel like I’m about to get Street Fighter Ryu-Ken’d to the face. At least with moshing, I can sort of see it coming and take a few steps to get out of the way.
Nothing screams immature Neanderthals like a good fight right smack in the middle of a show I’m trying to enjoy. Aw, you got pushed? Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be sure to tell the HUNDREDS of people around us to keep it together. There’s no reason to start throwin’ bows because you got your panties in a bunch. Plus, no one wants to be the reason the band stops playing to take time to call you out for being a dumbass.
10) BE TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL
You paid to be entertained, so why stand in the very back and not get the full-experience? I’ve heard musicians say one of the coolest things about performing live is the connection they share with the audience. So be a part of that amazing energy and get your ass up there.